The end of an era

Dear creative readers,

Time has come to take you on a journey.
The 'simply blogging for fun' era has come to an end.

I am now taking things seriously :-)
I have moved to a new blog and new website which I let you discover.

This blog will no longer be fueled with creative posts. Therefore, please surf on over to the new blog to make sure you don't miss a thing.

Both Blogger and Mindfulmimi.com will continue to direct to the new blog.

Meet you there for some serious creative business!

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Everything happens FOR you, not TO you

Sometimes life throws you curve balls.

One day you are full of energy, enthusiasm and creativity to set up a new project, a business, a new piece of art and the next day you are thrown back by something like:

• creative block: you can't seem to 'find' the next chapter of your book
• lack of inspiration: you want to paint but have no idea what
• negative criticism: people judge your work badly which makes you angry and want to stop
• a change of plan: what you had in mind is not possible for some reason and it puts you to a halt

This curve ball makes you disappointed and angry.
You loose your drive (or your pitch). Your dream is shattered. Well, yes, it's like your idea just died.


Elisabeth Kübler Ross was a Swiss psychiatrist/researcher who did a lot of work on the process of grief for which she identified five stages.


Although her research was based on dealing with a terminal illness or fatal loss,  there is also a business significance as people seem to go through similar stages when faced with changes in their personal and professional lives.

1. Denial: "This is not happening!"
2. Anger: "This is not fair!" "Why me?"
3. Bargaining: "Just give me more time." "How can I get this to work my way anyway?"
4. Depression: "What's the point?" "No one likes my idea." "I might as well give up."
5. Acceptance: "It's not so bad." "I can find a way out of this."

You can go through all those phases within a short time frame and in simple, everyday situations:
You have asked your partner to take out the trash last night. The next morning when you get ready to drive to work you notice he/she hasn't.

1. I can't believe this! This can't be true!
2. It's always the same. Every time I ask and he doesn't do it. I have to do everything here!
3. I'm not going to do it either. That will teach him.
4. There will be garbage piling up if the trash is not taken away today. Why did I ever marry this guy?
5. Well, it's no big thing really. I can do it now; it won't take long. And I will tell him later that it really bothers me.

 Variations of above scenario happen to us all the time. Small and big curve balls.

I recently had one thrown at me hard. And I kept alternating between anger, bargaining and depression. I couldn't seem to get beyond that.

Then I remembered a thing my coach had said to me some years ago:

"It's happening FOR you . Not TO you."

I stopped and looked within.
I had planted a seed and wanted a flower to sprout right away.
But of course, the first thing that comes up is the dirt. Only then can a little green leaf poke its head above the earth.

So next time you have a curve ball thrown at you, go within, clear the dirt and grow:
- write that chapter
- paint...anything, just paint
- get some positive feedback to counterbalance but also analyze the negative (there might be something to learn there)
- change your plan, make it even better, different

So, what is happening FOR you right now?

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There is a time for everything

When you create, when you work on a project, when you organize an event, when you raise your kids, when you write a song, when you start a business, when you do anything in life really, there is a time for everything.

That everything can be anything: the inspiration, the vision, the next step, the right supplier, the ideal milestone, the perfect school, that amazing riff, that excellent accountant...

That everything can only come when all elements are ready for it.

What elements are needed for it to arrive?

1. Clarity:
   what is is that you want? how do you want it? how should it look? It's the big picture. Paint it. Put it on a vision board. Visualize it often (hang it up on your bathroom mirror). Change it as you go along. Come back to it when things change along the way.
   
2. Intention:
   how bad do you want it? why do you want it? how do you want to make it happen? what would you need to do about it? who could you talk to?
   
   
3. Decision:
   it's intention with legs: what ARE you going to do about it? what do you need to do to make it happen? when? how often? for how long? with whom?
   This is often the stage when the Universe throws you a curve ball and puts you right back to the first or second stage: what did you want? really? and HOW BAD do you want it? really? This is usually when 'shit happens' just to see how serious you are (as in: you don't need an accountant...you haven't even set up your business yet)
   
   
4. Concretisation:
   You were clear on it, you intended it the right way and decided how to get there.
   And then the accountant shows up on your doorstep.
   Well, sometimes. But most of the times it takes a little more than that. Often enough we expect things to materialize before the time is actually right for it. Sometimes we might have met him and didn't even notice... We get frustrated and procrastinate on our project or even give up.
   Instead we should ask ourselves why we haven't found the perfect number cruncher yet. Are we still clear on our project? Is the intention a bit off maybe? Or have we take a few wrong decisions that need to be aligned. Are our expectations in line with reality.
   When the time is right, he will show up and you will notice him.

Just know that YOU are the one who has the dials of the clock in your hands.

And if you follow above steps you will start noticing a difference. You learn to read the signs, be patient and recognize when the Universe talks to you :-)

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How to tame your inner critic

I am participating in a group over at Coach Creative Space about taking tiny creative steps boldly.

We were talking about our Inner Critic and how powerful this little creature in our head can be.

Some describe it as a physical little being like a goblin or even a witch. Others describe more of a voice that is angry, scared, frustrated, unsure.

Here are a few tips for banning its destructive methods or just simply putting it to sleep.

1. Befriend it:
   Don't fight your inner critic. It is not there to harm you. It is part of you.
   It's like having the hiccups: the more you try to get rid of them, the longer they last. Accept it.
   
   
2. Learn from it:
   Listen to it. Get to know it by what it is telling you. The better you know someone, the more you learn how to deal with it.
   Note down what it is telling you. What kind of messages does it give you? Are they spelling fear? Or frustration? Or are they belittling and trying to make you unsure? In what kind of situations does it speak up?
   
3. Use it:
   Usually the inner critic goblin shows up when you are approaching the limits of your comfort zone. And that can be very useful. It teaches you about yourself and the boundaries that you have set yourself or that were set by your education.
   Use the stop signs your inner critic provides to think twice about your project or action. Are his questions justified? Why? Why not?
   
4. Answer it:
   Now that you know whether your goblin is more of an angry little sucker or just a fearful little soul, you can answer him. Ask him 'what is the worst that can happen?'.
   If he throws the likes of 'people will laugh at you' or 'you will get fired' at you, ask him Why? Why will people laugh at me? Because my idea is stupid or because only part of it is a bit laughable? Why will I get fired? Because I have shown initiative and creativity by introducing a new idea? Really?
   Keep asking why until you really get to the crux of it.
   You'd be surprised how awfully silly the real reason for your inner critic is.
   And if you know how to answer your inner critic, you are prepared to answer the outer critics as well.

When the above steps don't work, I personally like to take my little goblin with me when I go jogging. We have our discussion about the pros and cons, the fears, the judgment and all that surrounds stepping out of your comfort zone. We ping-pong our way through the subject at hand as I struggle my way uphill through the woods.

When I get out of the woods and onto the clearing, my goblin has often decided to stay in the woods for a little while longer :-)

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11 ways to get the best out of your coach

Have you ever had a coach?

• the trainer you had in high school
• the consultant they paid when you were laid off
• the fitness coach you decided to hire to loose those pounds
• the life coach you felt you needed to get through mid life

We have all had a coach in our life at some point.
Sometimes we chose them, sometimes they were thrust upon us... for better or for worse. Often for worse.

Here are a few tips to make your next coaching experience a success:

• it goes without saying that the points outlined below need to be agreed and provided by BOTH you and your coach!
• For easier writing, I have used a female coach in my points below. Please feel free to replace by male attributes.

1. Commitment:
   You need to be committed to the goals that you have defined together.  So before you get a coach, try to get some clarity on what it is that you want. This will avoid loosing anyone's time. When you're ready to go, make sure you check out your coach through website, testimonials, etc.
   
2. Time:
   Being coached takes time. Depending on the goal(s) you set, you need to set aside a certain amount of time that you need to dedicate to work on them. No use in setting up a coaching session every 6 months so that you have time to work on the items.
   Once a month is probably a minimum, sometimes more frequent is necessary to keep momentum going. Usually sessions should be about 1-1,5 hours.
   
3. Availability:
   Make sure you are 100% available during set meetings/phonecalls. No multitasking, no rattling on about your dog, your shitty job etc (unless that is part of your goal).
   
4. Preparation:
   Prepare! Do the actions that were given to you in the last session. Do them thoroughly. If you have questions along the way, don't hesitate to ask your coach.
   
5. Honesty:
   Don't pretend or lie with your coach. Be YOU. If you do, you might as well quit immediately. it is the foundation of your success. A coach cannot guide you if you give her wrong information. If along the way something feels wrong or uncomfortable, say it, immediately. Don't wait for things to grow.
   
6. Open mind:
   It is important to be open to questions, criticism, challenges. It may not always be comfortable . Change never is at the beginning. If you have an open mind and can suspend your judgment or disbelief and let the coach guide you, try out some new ideas or steps for you, you will see where this is going after a while.
   
7. Partnership:
   A coach is not an enemy. Yes, you pay her to help you. But it is in her interest as well that you succeed and are satisfied with her services.
   
8. Change:
   Be ready for change. Be prepared to step out of your comfort zone. Scary is good! And because you're being coached the scary is controlled. The coach is not going to make you do anything you're not prepared to do. But if you want to achieve your goals, you need to change.
   As my coach says 'If you continue to do what you've always done, you get what you always got'. So do something different. Your coach will make sure it turns into achieving your goals.
   
9. Advancement:
   If you received some action items during your first session, you should be seeing at least some kind of advancement already. If only in your attitude, your level of excitement. If not, tell her and change whatever needs changing (goal, direction, intensity, number of actions etc).
   
10. Investment:
    Coaching is an investment in yourself. Treat it like you treat your investment in your house or car. No, treat it better! Honor your payments. Get what you need in order of importance (foundations, walls, roof, insulation, furniture, paint, decoration etc - i.e. don't start with the decoration...)
    
11. Fun!
    Being coached is fun and exciting. If it's not, get a better coach. One that fits your needs.

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What Oprah could do better

I like Oprah. I have for years. And I am not ashamed to say it ;-)

I think she is creative, lives with intention, does what she needs to do, is not afraid to admit mistakes and she knows how to market herself.

Being a reader, I especially like her O Magazine.

Living in Luxembourg however, does not allow me to purchase it in a local store. I have to subscribe to it. Which is pretty costly I have to admit.

So here is my marketing point of view of what Oprah could do better to sell me (or, come to think of it, anyone else) her magazine:

1. Make overseas delivery more affordable.
2. Tell me when my subscription starts and when it ends (this is not clear when you subscribe).
3. Send me a renewal reminder before the end of my subscription (funny enough, this is not the case!)
4. Make a European version of O (many articles are very US focused, all special deals are US only)

I guess if I were not such a paper fan, I could just subscribe to the new Ipad version of her magazine.

And maybe I will, whenever I find myself a few months without her magazine and realize that the subscription has stopped :-)

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Additional tips against clutter

In my last post, I wrote about different kinds of clutter and how to get rid of them.

Today it's time for a little reminder...

How is that list coming along?

Did you do 2 things from one list?

If not, please read below tips to spur you on:

1. ALL items in your house should be USEFUL and BEAUTIFUL.
   “Have nothing in your home that you do not know to be useful and believe to be beautiful.”
   -William Morris
   
   
   
2. ALL items in your house should have a PLACE.
   If the don't have one, create one. If you can't create one, toss it.
   
   
3. Ask yourself: what is my MOTIVATION for keeping this?
   
   • Guilt (it costs so much; it's from my dead grandmother)?
   • Fear (if I fail in my business, I will be glad to have kept this)
   • The image it gives (if I have this, people will think I'm successful)
   • Souvenir (it's from when I was a little girl)
     
   Don't link your items to past or future things. Especially not if they are draining your energy. You want to get rid of negativity. Trust your feelings, your instinct when you pick it up. If you don't feel good about it, throw it out.
   
   
4. Baby steps:
   Stick to the plan of doing a few things per week. Otherwise you get overwhelmed and will just stop the whole process.
   
   
5. Create a system:
   Avoid having to think about making appointments. Next time you're at the garage/hairdresser/dentist etc schedule your next appointment(s). That way they are in the calendar and you can stop thinking about them.
   
   
6. Get committed:
   Put aside the time to do this.
   Get your partner involved.
   
   
7. Intention:
   And this should probably be up on the top of this article...
   It all starts with your intention. What is it that you WANT? Write it down, clearly.
   Everything you do should be in line with your intention:
   
   • your actions (is this in line with my goal? if not, why am I doing it? Do I have to do it?)
     
   • your language (no more 'I kind of, sort of, maybe want to do this')
   • your space (is a messy living/working space in line with the successful business woman you intend to be?)
   • your people (are you surrounded by supporters or energy draining whiners?)
   
   

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Get rid of clutter and success will follow

What do the following items have in common?

1. A loose button on your shirt that you have meant to mend for weeks.
2. Your grandma's old china that you never use but keep anyway.
3. An old grudge against an old friend.
4. Unworn clothes in your wardrobe.
5. Gifts you received but don't really like.
6. Fear of failure in your future business
7. The oil change your car is in desperate need of.
8. The rented DVDs you need to return.
9. The filing you need to do.

They are all clutter.

Clutter doesn't have to be a physical object (like the candle holder you got for your birthday that fits neither next to the television nor with the colors of your living room).

Clutter can also take the form of a thank you note that you have meant to write but didn't, a dentist's appointment you know you should make but keep 'forgetting'.


Whether it's the physical or incomplete clutter, they both drain your energy: every time you see them and they bother you, every time you think about them being unfinished.

My coach told me that you get up in the morning with 100 units of energy.

This is the energy you need to focus on your life, your intention, your passion, your happiness, the things you want to achieve.

Every time you come across some clutter, some units are taken away from you.

You are leaking energy towards either past events (the grudge your holding against your old friend), or imagined future events (fear of failing in your future business)

And these leaks keep you from focusing on what's important in the present: your goals, your intention, your future business, your healthy teeth, your car not breaking down.

How to get rid of clutter?

The above list of clutter didn't arrive on your doorstep this morning. You have been piling them up over the last months or even years (remember those old books and photos from university? when was the last time you look at them?).

And it is impossible to get rid of them all in a day. You need to proceed in small steps:

1. Make a list: You can't fix what you can't name.
   (A4 landscape, make three columns)
   For the physical clutter, it is easiest to go around your house and write down what bothers you. Divide the list into each room of the house.
   Don't start with the basement.
   Take the least cluttered room, the bedroom for example (write down in first column):
   • Dirty socks on the floor
   • Coat hangers on the dresser
   • Clothes on the chair
   • Shirt with missing button
   • Old, ugly wallpaper
   • I hate the color and pattern of the bed sheets
   • That statue doesn't fit there
   • Kids toys under our bed
   Then move to the next room.
   Don't pick things up. Don't start clearing things away. Don't start being overwhelmed.
   Just write them down.
    
2. Make another list:
   (A4 landscape, make three columns)
   For the incomplete (or unfinished) clutter, create another list. Empty your brain (first column):
   
   • Make dentist appointment
   • Write thank you note
   • Make service appointment for the oil change
   • Clear grudge with old friend
   Don't look for solutions, just write them down as they come up.
   
3. Understand the purpose:
   These two list you have created are not TO DO Lists.
   They are there to:
   
   • make you aware that these items drain your energy
   • make you start repairing those energy leaks
   • give your brain a break (it's on the list, I don't have to continuously think about them)
     
4. Create actions: you can't fix it if you don't know how
   
   • Take two items of one of the two lists (pick those that are easily doable/fixable) and circle them.
   • In the second column, write down how you can fix this problem - you can write down multiple solutions:
   • find a place for the statue
   • give to my cleaning lady (ask her first! you don't want to make your clutter hers!)
   • bring to the Salvation Army
   • In the third column, write down a completion date.
   • Do these two items this week.
     
5. Don't over-unclutter:
   Next week, pick another 2 or 3 items off one of the two lists, add a solution, and do them during the week.
   
   
6. Feel victory:
   As you start accomplishing more and more of these actions, notice the difference.
   
   
7. Welcome success:
   As you start literally cleaning up your life and space, you are getting rid of leaks that drain your energy. This energy can now be used to create the life you intended for. You are able to focus and success will naturally follow.
   
   
8. Future leaks:
   Although you will create new habits which prevent most energy drains, it is normal that over time, small leaks creep in. Now you have the tools to identify and fix them.
   If something is not going so well in the future, ask yourself which energy drain might be the cause of it. Maybe you didn't exercise enough, lag behind in your filing or haven't had a massage in a year. Put it on the leak list and fix it this week!

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Word of the Year 2010: CREATE

Some time ago, Christine Kane had the idea of choosing a word for the new year instead making resolutions one didn't keep. The original idea is described here.

I have been doing this for some years now and must say that the concept really resonates with me.

My word for 2009 was Serenity and you can read about it here.

2010 was a year full of creativity and I have a guest post today on Christine's blog about my 2010 Word of the year which was CREATE.

If you want to try it yourself, please check out her free Word of the Year Discover Tool.

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“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” -- William arthur Ward

As Albert Schweitzer wisely said:

To educate yourself for the feeling of gratitude means to take nothing for granted, but to always seek out and value the kind that will stand behind the action. Nothing that is done for you is a matter of course. Everything originates in a will for the good, which is directed at you. Train yourself never to put off the word or action for the expression of gratitude.

Every evening, before the kids go to sleep, we review the day and I ask them what they liked best and are grateful for. It gives closure to the day and focuses on the good things. It teaches them to be grateful which will make them more balanced and happy people.

I am grateful for:

• a loving and supportive husband (oh and sexy and good looking on top of that...)
• having two healthy sons who are smart and funny
• being healthy
• living in a safe, beautiful country
• being able to look out my window and see the sky, the trees and being able to take a walk in the countryside whenever I want to
• my family
• great friends who love me despite of all my flaws
• my freedom of choice, of speech, of movement
• all experiences that teach me something, make me stronger
• having feelings: happy ones, sad ones, scary ones - they make me alive

What are you grateful for?

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9 simple ways to bring some WOW (Ways Of Wonder) back into your life

Do you still wonder?

WONDER: to be filled with admiration, amazement, or awe; marvel (at).

You are submerged with information, have all the latest technological gadgets and travel to the world's nicest holiday destinations.

But do you still wonder? Really wonder?

Here are a few things to bring some simple awesomeness back into your life.

1. Space:
   We think we know a lot about our solar system and the stars and planets that are in it. But we only know a finite portion of what's out there. When I was little, I used to scare myself just by thinking what would be if the earth did not exist. That brought up a lot of scary thoughts and questions, but also made me go 'wow' I am so little in all this immensity.
   Astronomy Picture of the Day
   Hubble site
    
2. Art:
   Have you ever seen a Van Gogh painting (or a Klimt or Monet etc)? A real one? Have you looked at the whole composition? And have you also approached the canvas so closely that you could almost put your nose against it? Try that! It gives you a different perspective about it. It shows you the tiny slow or wild brushstrokes and form little pieces of art all by themselves (visit here and click on show enlargement) to experience that with one of my favorite Van Gogh paintings).
   Van Gogh Gallery
   Van Gogh Museum Amsterdam
    
3. Babies:
   Go visit a friend who has just had a baby. Ask if you may carry her/him. Look at the perfection in this miniature creature. Tiny fingernails, eyelashes, a mouth and eyes to make faces at you, their little hand clinging to your finger although he doesn't even know you...
   Anne Geddes
   
4. Weather:
   It may not be the season to lie on your back in the grass and look at the amazing formations clouds provide you with (so keep that in mind for spring or summer). But the weather provides wonderful things every season: the perfect symmetry of snowflakes, the wild force of a storm tugging at your sleeves... So go out, brave the elements and look for wonder.
   Storm photos
    
5. Music:
   They say listening to Mozart's music changes your brain waves. I am not a person who can listen to Mozart everyday. However, like with everything else, I like to look at it from a different perspective. So instead of listening to it, why don't you LOOK at it for a change? Take some sheet music and look at the little notes, the individual low or high ones, the ones clustered together to form a family, the ones without legs. Try to read them visually (not musically). Wow, what a pretty, moving picture they paint.
   Example: Sheet music Mozart piano concert N 21
   Digital Mozart Edition (access to complete works of Mozart)
    
6. People:
   We have all heard about wonderful people such as Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela etc. But there are so many people close by and much more accessible who are equally admirable.
   Look at the nurse in your local hospital. She gets up in the middle of the night to wake up her patients every morning with a smile.
   Look at your child's teacher who has the patience to explain the world to him.
   Look at the volunteer who helps out at the soup kitchen.
   All of them, small Wow's, So say thank you to them next time you come across one.
   Random Acts of Kindness Foundation
   
7. Nature:
   Being outdoors is something we tend to not get enough of. We work inside, we shop inside, we do sports inside. The outdoors is full of small wonders. Take a walk through the woods for example and approach a tree. Hug it, and look at its bark.
   The abstract art of bark can complete mesmerize you.
   
8. Read:
   Read the Awesome Book to your kids.
   Read 1000 awesome things.
   Create some WOW with Bookboats for kids in Laos.
   
9. Watch:
   Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium:
   

Read more...

Inspiration vs. Motivation:

Today I would like to point you to my guest post over at womansquotes.com

Do you know the difference between inspiration and motivation?
Didn't think there was one?
Well there is and it matters to your sucess.

So hop on over to read more.

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8 ways to mindfully avoid overwhelm

We all lead busy lives.
Our agendas are chock-full with appointments.
Our to do lists hardly leave us time to breathe.

We have become multi-taskers, juggling work and life but struggling to find the right balance.

Usually we manage pretty well.

But sometimes, things spin out of control and OVERWHELM takes over.

What are the signs of overwhelm?

• you don't know what the next thing is you need to be doing
• you break down and cry because you think you are a bad mother for wanting a career and kids
• you get head- or back-aches from too much office stress
• you forget important things
• you don't find the time to meet your best friend
• you don't find pleasure anymore in the things you used to love
• ...

Recognize any of this?
For me, the last one is ringing a bell loudly at the moment.
After running my first half marathon in September, I have not been running much.
I have lost the pleasure in what I used to love doing without having to motivate myself.

It's the beginning of an overwhelm alarm bell for me... If you feel the same and want to make a change, read on...

How can we avoid overwhelm to hit us over the head?

1. Define and get clear:
   More often than not we tumble forward and fire-fight instead of living the life we want and were meant to live. This often happens when we lack clarity and a clear definition of what that life actually IS.
   So over the course of the next days, sit down for small chunks of time and think about your next year in broad terms. Where do you want to be a year from now?
   
   • I want to loose 20 pounds
   • I want to have started my own business
   • I want to find the right balance between work and private life
   Try to be be as precise and detailed as possible.
   
2. Choose:
   You cannot have 3 to 4 major goals in a year to happen at the same time.
   You need to choose!
   Oh, but you want to start a business, loose 20 pounds, have a kid before you're 40, be a good wife, learn French and take cooking classes.
   I repeat: you need to CHOOSE. I am not saying you can't have them all. You can :-) in time.
   For now:
   
   • take poster board or flip chart and write them all down
   • glue pictures for each goal
   • draw all the advantages and disadvantages of each goal
   Do you get drawn to one more than the others? Pick that one!
    
3. Define again:
   Mindmap your goal and write down everything that comes to mind around it.
   
   • Movement: join a gym, find a sport you like, find people who like that sport, start using stairs instead of elevators...
   • Health: buy more fruits and vegetables, check out Weight Watchers, stop smoking
   • Misc.: stick picture of ideal you on bathroom mirror, etc
   What are you already doing to achieve your goal? What areas do you need to adapt? How?
   
4. Take baby steps:
   It's all very nice to have a big goal, but it just adds things to your to do list, right?
   Right. That's why we chop them into small doable portions.
   
   • Today: print a list of gyms in your area
   • By the end of the week: call at least 2 of them to check on details
   • By the end of next week: call two more and visit at least one of them.
     
5. Get accountability:
   Once you have made your list of baby steps, make sure you share it with someone. This can be your coach, your partner, your best friend, your mom. Give them a copy if you are comfortable with it. The more people you tell about your venture, the more they will support you and  motivate you.
   
   
6. Align weekly:
   On one day of the weekend (Sunday evenings, or Monday mornings are best), set aside some alone time. Take out your baby steps list and your agenda and pencil everything in. Go through things, make changes according to what else is going on that week. Nothing is cast in stone.
   This will make you aligned and clear of your goal and actions every week.
   
7. Reward yourself:
   Striving for something big is no easy task. And it can become tedious after a while. Motivation to keep it up can falter. There is a simple way to avoid that.
   Reward yourself.
   No, you should not allow yourself a burger and chocolate after you have lost 5 pounds.
   Instead, celebrate the small victories.
   Buy yourself a little candle to blow out after week one.
   Treat yourself to a massage when you have accomplished all baby steps after 2 or three weeks.
   
8. Stumble, fall and try again:
   When a baby starts walking, it keeps falling down, bumping its head.
   Does it go 'Darn, guess walking was not for me.' and give up?
   No. It stumbles, falls and tries again.
    

There is no perfect way to reach a goal without being overwhelmed.

If during the course you feel that something is off, start with step one again and get clear on your intention again. No one said you couldn't stop or even go backwards for a while. 

If it brings you more clarity to move forward, it's all good.

Read more...

The Secret to getting from A to B

I often get asked 'How do you do all the things that you do? How do you manage to do them all? How did you get to where you are now?'

Well, let me tell you a secret:

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.” -- --John Pierpont Morgan

 

That is indeed the very first step. And it is the most important one.

So let's stay with it for a minute here and analyze what it really means.

Many people have realized that something needs to change, that something is not right. And they keep looking for the kind fairy to spin her wand and miraculously make it all right.

Well, let me tell you another secret:

There are no miracles. There are no fairies.

And even if there were, you would still be stuck at the first step. 

Because:

YOU need to DECIDE that you are NOT going to STAY where you are.

 

Read that again.

So you, need to take an action to create movement. As simple as that.

 

Many people are stuck or unhappy and they know it. They moan about everything to everyone. But they don't do anything about the situation. They complain that it's too complicated, too difficult, too risky or that they just don't know where to start.

So let me tell you another secret:

Once you have decided that you don't want to stay where you are, all it takes is a small step.

• You don't need to stop smoking by tomorrow (that would be very smart, but very hard).

• You don't have to loose 20 pounds in a week (that wouldn't be very smart and probably very unhealthy).

• You don't have to start your business by the end of next month (that would be possible but you would just feel overwhelm and experience no fun).

All you need to do is take a small step:

• Tell someone you would like to stop smoking (tell them tomorrow). Or, buy some nicotine patches to see how they can help you reach your goal (buy some by the end of this week).

• Take out some pictures of yourself when you liked the way you looked and stick them on the bathroom mirror (do that tomorrow). Make an appointment with your doctor in view of making a weight loss plan with him (do that by next week).

• Make a list of all the things that need to be done (by the end of the week). Then break each big step up into small steps and those again into smaller, doable steps (do that by the end of this month).

Start wherever you are and start small. -- Rita Baily 

You are not changing the starting point (A) or the end result (B: quit smoking, loosing 20 pounds or starting a business), you are just breaking the path up into doable portions, baby steps, little A to B sub steps.

This will allow you to:

• experience completion along the way (and hey, you can celebrate the little successes!)
• remain motivated
• experience fun
• keep up momentum (once one step is finished, another one is already lined up)

It will also prevent you from:

• experiencing overwhelm
• giving up before you even really started
• being stressed and bitchy and no fun

And look, all these famous people can't be wrong?

When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps. -- Confucious 

The secret to living the life of your dreams is to start living the life of your dreams today, in every little way you possibly can. -- Mike Dooley 

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.
Henry Ford 

Have a bias toward action – let’s see something happen now. You can break that big plan into small steps and take the first step right away.
Indira Gandhi 

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time.
Joe Girard  

The discipline of writing something down is the first step toward making it happen.
Lee Iacocca 

Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.
Martin Luther King, Jr. 

A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
Lao Tzu 

We don't try to be 100% better, rather 1% better a hundred ways.
Ann Mitchell     

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance.
Friedrich Nietzsche

Baby step by baby step, you have what you need right now to start moving in the direction of your happiest dreams.
Marta Davidovich Ockuly 

 
It is better to take many small steps in the right direction than to make a great leap forward only to stumble backward.
Chinese Proverb 

If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.
Nora Roberts 

Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take small steps.
Helmut Schmidt

All great things have small beginnings.
Peter Senge 

The first step is to find out what you love – and don’t be practical about it. The second step is to start doing what you love immediately, in any small way possible.
Barbara Sher 

When I face the desolate impossibility of writing 500 pages, a sick sense of failure falls on me, and I know I can never do it. Then gradually, I write one page and then another. One day’s work is all that I can permit myself to contemplate.
John Steinbeck

Every change starts in a small step.
Ron Stolero
 

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret to getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks and then starting on the first one.
Mark Twain

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How to be kind on world kindness day

This Saturday it's World Kindness Day

WHAT IS KINDNESS?

Philospher and psychologist Piero Ferrucci says kindness is composed of 7 ingredients:

Empathy
Understand a friend, see his point of view instead of answering with anger or impatience.

Modesty
Be humble with your friends, listen to them instead of boasting about your successes.

Patience

Connections are more important than gaining three minutes. Think about this next time you impatiently stand in line at the supermarket.

Generosity

Offer an object, a feeling, a thought, time. It allows you to go from owning to the pleasure to be with your friends.

Respect

Listen to the other without judgment. Accept his point of view even if it's different from yours. It gives the other the space he deserves. Without this respect, kindness remains superficial.

Loyalty

It forms the base of constant solid relationship with those we love. Being loyal allows you to be in line with yourself and to keep our word.

Gratitude

Measure the chance you have to be healthy, thank your loved ones to be there for you,... Gratitude allows you to feel content with what you have and are without taking it for granted. Gratitude nourishes the sensation of plenitude and softens our regrets and frustrations.

BEING KIND IS GOOD FOR YOU

1. It makes you happy.
2. It reinforces your immune system (check out research of Heartmath)
3. It improves the performances of others (The Art of being kind)
4. It relieves pain (The Healing Power of Doing Good)
5. It gives pleasure (Healthy Pleasures)
6. It is motivating.
7. It is contagious (The Art of being kind)

PRACTICE KINDNESS TODAY

1. Distribute coffee or tea in the street (to the homeless, the mailman, the paperboy...)
   
2. Organize a fundraiser for a charity.
   
3. Bring flowers to someone you like.
   
4. Thank the teacher of your child with a little gift.
   
5. Leave a big tip to the waiter and leave a note of thanks.
   
6. Invite a neighbor or lonely elder for dinner.
   
7. Write to someone you have lost touch with or are angry with.
   
8. At the hospital, visit those who get no visitors.
   
9. Put some coins into the snack dispenser with a post-it that says 'Enjoy'.
   
10. Play 'I noticed': observe your colleagues, friends and notice their new outfits, haircuts etc and compliment them.

For more ideas, visit:

Acts of Kindness
World Kindness Movement

Read more...

Is the 'pike syndrome' keeping your from your success?

Do you get paralised by imaginary barriers?
Do you suffer defeat because of some made-up obstacles?
Do you have preconceived notions or arbitrary fears?
Do you let outside things (like norms and rituals) cloud your judgment?

How do you respond to change?

Do you adapt?

What is holding you back? Is it real or fictional?

Do you evolve? Or die?

Read more...

A wish is a niche

(or how a bug list can help you invent the next hype)


The other day, someone posted a wish on Twitter along the lines of 'I wish teabags wouldn't drip when you try to throw them away'.

I answered with 'A wish is a niche'.

Think about it for a while.

The dripping teabag bugged someone enough to come up with a solution for it.

Does it ever happen to you that you wish something was different or worked better?

Let's do a little exercise here:

Create your Bug List (or problem bank) by listing all the things that:

• don’t work quite right, 
• bug or annoy you, 
• you notice people struggling with
• you struggle with
• you think need improvement

You add to this list by observing people around you, your customers, your competitors, your family.


Here is my today's bug list:

• Buttons coming off shirts
• Standard helpdesk response emails
• Unscrewing a screw when you have no screwdriver
• Time lost during driving
• I have the best ideas in my car - but I need to record them while driving: I wish I could just speak a text and a device would turn it into a text document - my blog posts would be written in no time! (something like it exists, but not available in Luxembourg, duh!)
• Remembering all your codes and passwords

Use your list of problems for idea generating using some of the creative techniques presented to you in my Sunday Creativity Tips (like random object).

Combine any new ideas with your bug list.

Connect the unlikely, the impossible, the unthinkable. See what comes out of it.

It might be a niche!

Read more...

How do you know you have taken the right decision?

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Our life, our days are full of them.

To get up or not to get up?

Cross the road now or wait until the car passes?
Get gas or wait until later?
Give my child an apple or a pear for recess?

And then there are the more important ones.

Those that we don't usually take on the spot.
Those that need a few good nights' sleep.
Or those that keep us awake.
Those that need talking to friends about.
Or those that we need to take all by ourselves.

And the difficulty with all of them is this:

How do we know that we have taken the right decision?

Because once we have made a decision to go for A or B, that's it right?
What if after some time we find out it was wrong?
We can't go back can we?

When I was living abroad, an older colleague introduced me to the PRO and CON system to help me make decisions. She said "Take a piece of paper and draw two columns. Put a plus on the left and a minus sign on the right. Then just start filling it in with everything that comes to mind. On the left write down all the positive results of taking the action. On the right all the negative effects. And give them points for importance and relevance."

I still do this occasionally but I have since learned a few more things:

1. Procrastination:
   Are you pushing the decision from one day to the next? If so, ask yourself why. What are you afraid of? How can you mend this? Maybe the decision is too big to take and you need to do step 2 first.
   
2. From big to small:
   If your decision is big (or even huge), try to slice it into smaller, doable, less scary parts. Parts that you can achieve and complete easily and celebrate a certain achievement.
   
   
   

   The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one. -- Mark Twain

   
   
   
   
   
   
3. Intention:
   Decision is intention with legs. Whatever it is you put out there (I want another job, I want a partner, I want a music career), it won't start walking anywhere until you give it legs and make some decisions. Once you have taken a decision, you can still steer it, you can still stop it and turn it around. However, the next step is very important from the start.
   
4. Clarity:
   Intention is all very nice, but if they are formulated like above, they are not very clear or precise. Your intention will have no idea where to walk to.
   What kind of job? Where? When? Why? To do what? What will that bring you? How will you grow? Visualize it. Write an elevator pitch for it. Does it sound clear? Credible?
   
5. Support:
   Before, during and after decision making: get a support system in place. Whether it's a friend who listens to your doubts, a mentor who steers you in the right direction, a mother who cooks your favorite meal when you had a setback, some money in the bank just in case. This can be as simple or as big as you need it to be. It will help you feel safe to take decisions. And after a while you will learn how to use it better. And maybe you might not need it as much. Although the favorite meal is something that always gives you a boost.
   
6. No half things:
   We often take a decision but don't really mean it.
   It's like saying I'm going ice-skating and forgetting your skates (on purpose).
   Decide like you mean it! To help you with that, go to step 7.
   
7. Accountability:
   So you have taken a decision. You mean business. But do you?
   To make sure you do, get accountability. Talk about your decision to people (maybe the same people from your support step). Put yourself out there so that you have to report on your progress.

Once you have completed these steps there is of course no guarantee that the decision you have taken is the right one.
But if you are really clear on your intention, then no decision is really wrong in the end.

And sometimes you have to adapt your intention because you change, situations change, life changes.

And that is ok.

It's okay to change direction.

It's also okay to fail and admit it was the wrong decision.

Any failure is really just an opportunity in disguise.

What decisions are you taking today? How clear are you about them? What is your intention?

***
Take a little test:
How good are your decision making skills?

Read more...

The surprising truth about what motivates us

Are you motivated right now? Why? Why not?

Does your job suck?

What would need to happen for it to be good or even great?

• More money? 
• More / less responsibility? 
• A new boss?
• A new job?
• More challenges?
• More freedom?

What is it that actually gets you motivated?

Dan Pink who wrote the excellent 'A whole new mind' gives us the surprising truth about what motivates us.



So, money is a motivator in some situations only. It's extrinsic.

Whereas:

1. Autonomy: I like to decide how and when I do things
2. Mastery: I like to get better at it
3. Purpose: I want to make a contribution

are intrinsic motivators that have a much bigger chance of making us happy people.

So how can you change your work or that of others today to add these three elements to it?

Read more...

How to become a likable control freak

I was in a training course recently about Stakeholder Management.

We were taught the different levels of buy-in and involvement stakeholders need to have over the course of a project.

A colleague of mine, let's call her Melissa, was having trouble with this.

To her, it seemed normal that ALL her stakeholders needed to be kept happy and up to date ALL THE TIME from the beginning to the end of a project.

But at the same time she was admitting that she was stressed and afraid things would get out of hand if she lost that control.

I sent her a post on perfectionism and she replied that it wasn't so much perfection that she was striving for but that she probably was a bit of a control freak and if I had any posts on that, she'd be glad to receive them.

Well, I didn't.

And as I used to have some control issues in the past, I thought I might as well write a post about this myself.

• What is control?
  If you look in the dictionary, it's a scary word.
  It has to do with power, domination, restraint, regulation.
  It implies that something is bad and needs to be changed.
  It insinuates that something or someone is better than another.
  
• Is it good or bad?
  Probably neither. The opposite of control may be chaos. If there were no control over anything, where would we be? Would we all be running around wildly? Or would we just adapt to the new way things are?
  
• How much control do you need?
  A certain amount of control can certainly be beneficial, depending on the goal you need to achieve. The more you control people though, the more you restrain them from a lot of things (like being spontaneous, creative, individual or just simply your friend). Most people don't like the feeling of being controlled. Some are being controlled and don't even notice (because they think it's normal, because they are in love...).
  
• When do you become a freak?
  It is normal that you should want to be in control of your life. YOUR life, not other people's.
  Control freaks are terrified of failure. They don't trust other people can do things as well as they can. Being in control gives them a temporary illusion and sense of calmness.Control freaks suffer from perfectionism, they are very orderly, can't delegate, micro-manage and have workaholic tendencies. They are afraid of being vulnerable. 
  

There is a lot of advice out there on how to deal with a control freak.

There is not much help out there if you ARE one and want to change.

I'm a control freak. How do I change?

1. Childhood:
   First of all, it is good to know that most behaviors (good and bad) are with you since childhood. You learned to behave this way. Whether from your parents or other meaningful people around you. You copied the pattern that you were shown.
   
   I am not saying you should go into therapy to return to your childhood and analyze how evil your parents were so that you can blame everything on them!
   But it is good to know where this behavior comes from and why you're doing it.
   
   
2. Attention:
   
   Okay, so you figured out why you are the freak that you are. And a behavior you have learned over the last x years is not something you shake in a day. So, instead of trying to stop controlling completely, let's start with little steps:
   
   Try to be aware of your actions. Notice whenever you are controlling something or someone. Give it some attention. Ask yourself 'What's going on here? and why?' Then breathe, let it go.
   
   The more you focus your attention on your behavior, the more you become aware of it. The more you become aware of it, the more you can steer it.
   
   
3. Change the HOW not the WHAT
   
   You're a control freak. That's your WHAT. It's WHAT you DO. That's what you have been trying to change because deep down you know it's getting you stressed, making you unhappy and not gaining you any friends.
   
   What would happen if you tried to change the HOW instead?
   
   This can be many different things depending on the type of your controlling behavior
   
   
   • How you behave with people
   • How you see and value yourself
   • How you are organized
   • How do do things
   
   How can you change a few little things to alter the above?
   
   Ask yourself what it is that you really want. Slow down and get clear. Why do you do what you do? Where do you want to go?
   

A few quick and dirty tips:

Woah! I hear you say. That's like a looong process. Isn't there a shortcut?

No, there isn't. But there are a few things that you should know that may kick you in the butt:

• Showing a weakness does not mean you loose control. It makes you human and likable.
• Trust your instincts: does this need to be controlled by you or is it gonna be fine without it?
• If you have to use control, use it in a respectful way (don't belittle, shout, pressure, manipulate...)
• Watch your tone of voice, your body language, the way you deliver something. How does that make you come across?
  

And most importantly: You teach people how to treat you. 

Don't say that your kids never clean up or that your husband never does the dishes.

Because you've always done it, people get that you will always do it....

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