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The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude - Oprah Winfrey

>> 3 February 2008

There are good and bad reasons to change:

One should not change for someone else
Some might want to transform their personality to keep their partner for example. However, it is impossible to desire for the other. When we try to redefine ourselves for someone else we interpret their needs, not ours. And hence the base for change is falsified.

One should change for oneself
As the change concerns us, it has to be a personal move. The wonderful thing about it is that the other (the partner,...) will of course profit from our transformation.

One should not change to flee reality
A love story turning bad, a daily rythm that stresses us and makes us unhappy...and up pops the need to change and turn the page. But when we flee, the first thing we encounter on our road is exactly what we have wanted to get away from. We change jobs to get away from mobbing colleagues and around the corner the new colleagues are doing just the same. To change one has to first face one's own demons.

One should change to confront one's reality
Change necessitates to be ready for a profound exploration of oneself and the relations to others. This entails going through some kind of crisis. If it is painful it is because it obliges us to question our certitudes and to consider our dark side...before attempting to change.

One should not change as a reaction
Changing as a reaction to something, for example after a breakup, becoming the opposite of what one has been before, or behaving in a way that does not correspond to one's moral or inner feelings. Founded on the lie to oneself, this type of change is obviously ephemeral and may generate a painful shift.

One should change to enrich oneself
Change means enriching oneself with 'other elsewheres', hence open up to others and other situations, learn to understand and get to know them. In the long run, this can become a way to acquire a certain power, but a power put 'at the service' and not 'against' others.

Site of interest:

Everybody's changing by Keane


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