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Boundaries don't keep other people out, they only fence you in.

>> 25 February 2008

When you grow up certain circumstances and events in your life have such an impact on you that they make you cringe, retreat into your protective shell and build a fence around yourself. Such boundaries are to keep others from coming too close, from hurting you again or from seeing a side of you that you don't want to show.
Most of the time you are too young and naïve to realise that such fences or walls do not always do you any good. In fact, they may (temporarily) protect you from being hurt and deceived, but in the long run they only fence YOU in. Defences that served you well as a child to ensure survival can, when carried into adulthood, may actually cripple you.
They prevent you from living your life, your real life, the 100 percent one, the rollercoaster up and down ride that you are supposed to take to feel alive.

You may be waiting:
- for life to happen,
- for the right person to come along and solve all problems,
- for the right circumstances,
- for the right job,
- for others to change...

In that case you should take a hard and honest look at yourself. And that is tough. Because what you don't realise is that most of the time YOU are the only one that is able to change this, to tear the walls down, to stop wearing a mask, to stop pretending, to stop cheating yourself. It is tough, because you don't always like yourself all that much. So you cover up, you embellish. And hence send a wrong message; give a distorted image of yourself.
It is hard to always be who you really are deep down, to stand up for your convictions, to admit you don’t know, to be strong, to be weak, to let someone else in all the way.

But it is the only way of living. Or else you will continue to search for a thing, a person, an opportunity which will make it all better.
YOU are the only person who can live your life, who can decide how to live it, who can change it. And if you cannot change a situation or a person, you can always change your attitude towards it. And that is what makes all the difference. Without being YOU, life will just pass you by, life will just be a series of happenings you live through instead of choosing them, life will not be all that exciting. Sure, it is safe - or it seems to be - but it is boring and not very fulfilling and something is missing. To be YOU you have to let go of the fear. You have to take risks: of getting hurt, of not being liked.

  • Stop doing things in order to keep the peace.
  • Stop belittling yourself.
  • Stop waiting or searching for someone that will change the situation you’re in.
  • Start liking yourself.
  • Start trusting yourself and your ideas.
  • Accept to make mistakes.
  • Expect to be laughed at.
  • Look at your experiences and try to learn a lesson from each of them.

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