How a 4 year old solves the dead birds mystery

Do you remember the dead birds that fell from the skies in the US and Europe recently?

We never really heard what exactly the reason was for them falling from the sky all together at the same time, did we?

Well, my 4 year old has a few solutions for you:

1. The wind blew them onto the ground.
   Makes sense. Was my first kind of rational thought too. Big storm, birds get caught and whisked back to earth.
   
2. It was raining so hard, it rained them on the ground.
   Yeah, not bad. In the same line of bad weather phenomena. Plus rain makes their wings wet and heavy. In this case it was not raining cats and dogs, but birds...
   
3. The flew against a tree. No no, a signpost.
   Right. I had come up with the odd obstacle as well like airplanes and such. Must have been a lot of signposts around that area in Arkansas!
   
4. It rained and they opened their mouths -birds have beaks dear- ...beaks, drank too much rain and got sick.
   Mmmh. Now we're getting creative! Acid rain. I guess that could kill a bird or two.

Now acid rain is more of a deposition than rain really. So I guess they must have flown in that rain for a very long time to be affected in a way to make them drop to earth.

However, the principal natural phenomena that contribute acid-producing gases to the atmosphere are emissions from volcanoes.

So maybe those birds have been hovering too long above Eyjafjallajökull recently. And here is how my son solved that problem.



In the same series:
How a 4 year old solves the Greek debt crisis

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How a 4 year old solves the Iceland ash cloud problem

Triggered by Seth Godin's suggestion that one should teach our children to solve complicated problems, I recently wrote an article about how my 4 year old son solved the Greek debt crisis.

As I found that he did pretty well in the exercise, I started thinking about presenting him with a complicated issue on a regular basis.

As we surely all know someone who is stuck someplace due to the eruption of Iceland's Eyjafjallajökull volcano, I thought it a good problem to be solved by my 4 year old.

I first had to explain to my son what a volcano is and where Iceland is (and no, I did not even attempt to pronounce the name of Eyjafjallajökull, but you can listen to that here).

Then I made a little drawing to explain the workings of an eruption and showed him pictures and explained that due to the big ash cloud, planes were not able to fly and thus people all over the world were stuck and couldn't get home.

My main question to him was

"How can we find a solution for the people to get home?"


His answers are below in order to appearance:


1. Make the planes fly higher, over the cloud

I found I could neither accept nor refute that proposal as I had no clue as to how high a plane can fly. So I went and searched for the answer:

Generally, standard-flight commercial jets fly approximately 28,000 to 35,000 feet above mean sea level. Travelling at higher altitudes and speed levels limits oxygen supply. There is not a sufficient amount of oxygen in the air to accommodate the jet fuel required to burn to remain in the air. However, the Concorde commercial jet was designed to fly at an even higher height, reaching to about 45,000 feet. Many jets, however, can fly at even higher heights, but they are typically specialized and provided with a broad safety margin. (source)

So I guess we should just revive the Concorde flights and people would not only get home safely but also very quickly.

And why don't they fly around the cloud? As simple as that when you're 4.

2. People should take a boat.

Well, why not?
It's not like we are still in the steamboat era where such a journey would take forever.

Nowadays Southampton- New York takes only seven days. Saves a lot of stress, hassle and you have time to read a few good books.



3. People should stay where they are and take a vacation.

This seems to be a recurring answer and shows that this little man loves being on holidays.
I suppose people who have just spent 2 weeks worth of off days and all their money on a holiday location would not consider this a valid nor funny answer...

4. We should redirect the wind to blow the cloud away.

It seems that the weather is changing at the end of the week which should send the disruptive ash cloud away (from Britain at least).
Or else we just have to invent giant fans. Maybe we could put the London Eye on its fastest setting to blow at the cloud?!

Alas, no magic solution this time.
I find the best time to ask him complicated questions is in the car when I have his undivided attention.
I promise to save the next question for a car ride to yield better results.

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How a 4 year old solves the Greek debt crisis

After writing about attending Seth Godin's speech in an earlier post, where he suggested that parents should teach their children to solve complicated problems and volunteered the idea of asking them to solve the debt crisis in Greece..., I owe you the answers of my almost 4 year old son.

Firstly, we were in the car, which is a great place to have deep, meaningful discussions with your kids because they are usually bored and can't go anywhere else as they're strapped to their seats).

Secondly, my son is not yet 4, so I had to explain to him what Greece is and what debt is. So far so good, but I felt him looking at me kind of funny probably thinking 'what the hell is she on about?'.

After giving him a little run down of the problem, his first answer to the question what is Greece to do, was:

1. Steal from Dad

Now, before we burst out laughing and cast it aside as a child's silly idea, let's analyze that for a minute here.

My husband hates coins. So he puts them on the table in the hallway when he gets home. I like coins - it's money and I have a purse and a handbag, so I have a place to put them.

My son has seen me reap in these coins and has started doing just that from time to time to put them in his piggy bank. So for him, that is the first and most logic place to get money. And if he can, why shouldn't Greece be able to. Pretty logic.

If we take this idea further though, we need to ask ourselves who Greece's Dad is.

Zeus:

• was the father of the Greek Gods and the greatest God of Ancient Greece.
• was a weather God, protector of law and was honored every four years with the Olympic Games.
• had mountains named after him and he is believed to have grown up in Crete.
• had many children, is the father of the 9 muses and sole parent of Athena.
  

To translate that into our time and day, we could say Greece could:

• pray to God for money.
• claim royalties on the Olympic Games
• sell Crete (or any other paradisaical island they have - but Crete is quite nice)
• sell the temple of Zeus
  
• sell some of the zillion archeological findings

Not bad for a first answer, I say.

The second answer actually came from my two year old son, who was also in the car and of course listens to everything we say (and we always think he only understand half of what we say - that proves us wrong!):

2. Call a "toota" (his name for anything from an ambulance, over a police car to a fireman truck and that goes toota toota too)

In itself, that idea is not so bad.
And it's kind of exactly what Greece did by calling the European Union for help.

Along the lines of the above idea and since most ancient wisdom somehow came from Greece, they could:

• claim royalties on the invention of medicine, because the first known Greek medical school opened in Cnidus in 700 BC after all. The Egyptians might fight them on this invention but I guess Hippocrates wins on being the Father of Modern Medicine.
• organize a huge fundraiser and ask every European to donate 1 euro or 2. Europe has a population of a little over 800 million people. You do the math. It won't solve their debt entirely, but it would get them off to a good start.
• sell their hospitals - though I guess that is not working as the owe 7 billion euros to drug and device manufacturers themselves the FT reports

The third answer (from my 4 year old again) was:

3. take it out of the garbage bin

Don't ask me how he came up with that. Because we do not keep our money in the bin (though I think it would actually be a good hiding place - better than under the mattress anyway).

Let's spin this a bit further then. They could:

• sell their consultancy on island waste management: almost 15% of the Greek population lives on the islands which is a lot more than other countries, so they must know something about that...
• sell their garbage. Oh and why not? What they consider throwing away might be worth a lot of money elsewhere (if I look at some of the crap that's sold on e-bay, then I am sure Greece can fill a whole bay on e).
  

The 4th answer was:

4. ask for money from St. Nicholas

For those who don't know Saint Nicholas, he is our version of Santa Claus and brings gifts to children on 6 December.

Funnily enough, when reading up on him to find the appropriate link for you, I read to my astonishment that he is actually of Greek extraction. Who knew! We Dutch kids always thought he came on a boat from Spain...

• I was going to propose that they sell his bones or something, but then it seems that the Turks and Italians are already fighting about those,
• but since he was born there, maybe they can claim some royalties?...

My son was all worried about Greece now and kept asking for the solution. Because usually when I ask him a question, I provide him with the correct answer afterward...

So it was his first experience in solving complex problems and in the realization that 'Mom doesn't know every thing'.

And this is when we arrived at home and the Greek problem was left to be pondered over by the rest of the world.

However, they always say that creativity needs an incubation time. So in the evening, when I put my son to bed, we did our usual 'what was the best part of your day today?' ritual and I told him mine was when we were trying to solve the problem of Greece.

And that is when he came up with what I think is the best solution so far:

5. we should all go on holiday there and give them our money.

So there you have it. Greek debt crisis solves by a 4 year old.

VISIT GREECE!

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Children see... Children do...Make your influence positive

This is a very thought provoking video about the influence we have on children.

Children learn by copying the behavior they see around them. And if you are a parent, you know this very well at the latest by the time you hear your three year old say a word he isn't supposed to even know in his sweet innocence.

But also other family members and friends have their influence.
Wherever you are in sight of a child, your behavior is being watched and maybe copied.

And if you don't want to feel like you're living in the Big Brother house, the best way is to always behave impeccably.

Utopia?
Maybe.

But awareness alone can make a change.
Be that change.

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Introducing Rufus and Lele

You may have read that I have been working on a children's book.

It is almost ready and before I go campaigning :-) I wanted to lift the tip of the veil and introduce you to the main characters:
my son Loïc (in the book named Lele) and his best friend/stuffed lion Rufus.

The book is based on a real event and is written in both prose and rhyme. It will be launched as an e-book first and being the fan of 'real' paper books, I hope it will one day make it to print.

I have discovered a lovely collaboration space where writers and illustrators meet and create children books together. If you are interested in this space, have your own story or images and are only looking for another half to make it come to life, Memetales is the place to go (simply sign up to be included into the magic world or join the group on Facebook)

So if these two chaps look charming to you, be patient, you will soon be able to read the whole story.

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How a child deals with a heavy situation

My 7 year old niece and I were sitting in church for the very sad occasion of her cousin's funeral.

It was a  sad occasion and things were taking very long.

We were waiting for mass to start and she was obviously bored. One priest was already sitting up near the altar, waiting like us.

Out of the blue, she asks me:'Can the priest have a wife?'

This is catholic church and I explained to her that no, he cannot, that he has made his oath to God and that the catholic church does not allow him to marry.

Two minutes later, she asks me:'Can he have a girlfriend?'

By now I am smiling. I say no again and explain the same rules.

She seems satisfied with that answer. It takes her 5 minutes this time to speak again.

'Can he have a boyfriend then?' she asks.

I almost burst out laughing.
The sad occasion that triggers extreme emotions, often the opposite of the one's one is supposed to feel.
The boldness of this 7 year old girl and the kind of information she is already juggling in her head.

She seemed to feel with this poor priest and probably thought he was very lonely.

And that made me smile.

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Take the power to make your life happy.

This life is yours.

Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well.

Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly.

Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature.

Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you.

Take the power to make your life happy.

-- Susan Polis Schutz


At 10 am this morning, Loïc, my 2 and half year old son and I were having tea and a cookie. The baby is usually asleep around then and Loïc cherishes this time he can spend alone with his mother. The sun was shining outside despite the -10 degrees Celsius.

All of a sudden Loïc asks me to go play with him outside in the sandbox (his favorite activity since summer and no matter what the weather conditions are). I usually get him dressed and let him out to play by himself but he was very good at insisting that I came along this time: drooping, pleading dog eyes, slight pull at my sleeve, 'pleeeaaaase Mommie'. How could I resist?

We got dressed - which took a while, what with the -10 outside and hence the need of multiple layers of clothing - and stumbled outside into the sunny cold. Loïc rushed to the sandbox and immediately started pulling out stuff to show me: a bulldozer, a bucket, a small rake and shovel. 'Come Mommie, help me'.

And I thought 'Uggghhh, why can't he just play and I watch him? Do I have to do this?' (it was 10 am and -10 degrees I have to repeat). I sat down - what else could I do? - and started raking the half-frozen sand.

It got me thinking. When we are little, we love to play in the sand, in the water, in the woods, in the barn - you name it. We can spend hours doing something repetitiously. And we hate it when our parents call us inside because it's dinner time. We have the feeling there is never enough time to play the games we love.
And when we get older and are finally allowed to decide about our own time, how come we have stopped loving such little, silly games? Now that we can have all the time in the world, why are we not playing in the sandbox or in the woods all the time instead of watching tv or surfing the web?

My mindset shifted and I started enjoying raking the sand, heaping sand into the truck. We started running around the garden, aimlessly (another favorite occupation of my son - which I usually get him up to because it tires him out and he will be ready for a nap :-).

There was still a thin layer of snow in the garden and we got out these big plastic shovels they make for sliding down the hill on your bum with. I showed Loïc how to do this and after a few failed attempts, he finally managed to keep his feet in the air and slide down the slope. What a joy to hear that laughter, coming from deep within a child's heart. 'Again Mommie, again¨!'. And off we went for about 15 minutes (typical time spent on one activity before getting bored and needing to do something else) when we switched to the swings. I hadn't sat on a swing since summer and I can tell you it's a whole different experience when it's cold. It's great!

When he was ready to go off into the sandbox again I had to stop him because it was lunchtime. He moped and didn't want to come inside. But I had my secret weapon: the lure of home-cooked food and he was running to get inside and out of his playing clothes.

So this morning I chose to play with my son and did it well and loved it. I was part his game and of nature.
I took the power to control my feelings and hence the direction of the morning. I took control to make my life happy.

It seems such a small, unimportant step, but deciding to really be there and enjoying it was the best thing I did today.

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I am serious, so I laugh a lot. You need to laugh. You don't laugh enough. I don't trust anyone who doesn't laugh. - Maya Angelou

They say laughter is the best medicine. 

So today I want to invite you to have a good laugh and feel better. 

Go to Parental Instincts and laugh with the funniest babies on the web. 

Trust me, you will hold your belly. I especially love little Theo - he is so contagious.

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How to potty train your toddler and not go insane

Our oldest son (now 2 years and 4 months) is now potty trained.

Wayhay!

A first try at daycare and at home, left him confused, upset, constipated and wrongly focused on his bodily funtions: a clear indication that he was not ready yet.

So we left him alone for a while and put the diaper back on.

He would pee in the potty from time to time but we were not pushing him. Every result was congratulated and celebrated with a special Potty Calendar.

Each time he peed in the potty he was allowed to glue a sticker on the calendar.

And when one page of the calendar was full, he was allowed to send a special potty postcard to someone.

He liked the concept of sticking labels but it was not enough incentive to actually pee on the pot. But they say people are creatures of habit and after a while, the stickers stuck to him and it became a habit.

So we took up the potty training again by removing the diaper. And wonder above all wonders, no more 'accidents'. Peeing was the easy part of course. The Poo level is more impressive to the child, but generally happens right after :-)

A few more tips:

• Wait until the child is at least 2 years of age. They say the child should be able to walk up and down the stairs on his/her own one foot after the other like adults (not two feet on the same step)
• Talk to the child. Explain what pee and poo is all about. That it's natural. That everybody does it. That food and drink go in and poo and pee come out. They are toddlers, but do understand a hell of a lot more than we think.
• Start by taking the diaper off during the day. Keep it on at night. You may keep it on during naps and long car rides as well. You have to persevere here and arm yourself with patience.
• Get everyone involved. Family members, daycare staff... all need to be on the same potty training focus here. And in line with the point below.
• Do not scold the child but be supportive. Accidents happen. Try to use non-violent, non-reproaching language. Explain what happened, clean it up together.
• Stop when it doesn't work. If your child refuses to go, hides the potty, says no-no-no everytime you even mention the potty, just forget about it. The kid is not ready. Go back to diapers. Do not make a big fuss. No need to frustrate your child.
• Go back to the diaper life.
• Wait a few weeks.
• Try again. Usually the second time around is a winner.

For those who are looking for a ludic way to get your toddler to become potty trained, I can only recommend the use of a calendar. It is not the solution, but an aid.

You can get the potty calendar we used here. But there are lots of other options out there:

Potty training rewards
Free Dora the Explorer charts
Kaboose potty trainind calendar
Potty training printables at About.com
Potty training tips
Keep kids healthy

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Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow - Oliver Wendell Holmes

My oldest son, who is 2 years and 3 months, is currently realising what language is and what words are. He is being brought up with two languages (Dutch and French) using the OPOL method (One Person One Language). When he goes to school next year he will be taught a third, Luxembourgish.

So far he speaks better Dutch simply because he hears more of it more often due to the number of people who speak it to him. But he clearly knows that daddy speaks French and sometimes when my husband says something new or complicated to him he looks at me and asks 'what does daddy say?'.

Up until recently he never questioned anything we fed him language-wise, but for the last few weeks he is really trying to say the words right, pronounce the 's' etc.

Yesterday in the car I told him that we would do some 'crafting' in the afternoon. The Dutch word is 'knutselen'. (I guess the English translation would be 'putter': to busy or occupy oneself in a leisurely, casual, or ineffective manner). He tried to say it but couldn't get around the 'kn' in the beginning in combination with the 'ts' in the middle (he'd say 'kutselen' or knutelen'). I kept repeating the word to him and he kept getting it wrong. I thought it was cute.

Suddenly he says: 'This is difficult in the mouth'. :-)

And he was of course completely right. Dutch is not an easy language on the tongue and throat. It was the first time he seemed to have realised that it's all about how the mouth and the tongue move to make a certain sound.

He finally did get it right and was really happy and proud to have gotten it right. Now he seems to want to learn funny words all the time and prounounce them right :-)

We are currently reading Dr Suess and I am glad to have found the books in Dutch. I mean, some books you can just translate on the go. But not Dr Suess...!

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I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food - Robert Orben

Last weekend our youngest (6 months tomorrow) was treated to his first solid food.

I lovingly steamed some organic carrots and turned them in a delicious orange mash. My other half got the camera rolling because first time carrots make up for first (and last) time funny faces. We sat him in the Tripp Trapp high chair for the first time and he looked tiny and lost wondering what was going on and where was his bottle of milk.

Our oldest (2) eyed the carrots with interest, claimed the same and did not want to eat his yummie (organic and lovingly prepared) soup anymore.

The first small spoonful of orange mush went to the little mouth. He did make a face. He sputtered and spurted trying with all his might to eject what was given him. I tried to tell him that carrots are yummie and that he should try them. He refused. The carrots landed on the bib, chair, table, floor, me... I gave up and our oldest happily and hungrily finished off the little cup.

The next day and the day after was carrot-trying day again and the same scenario was repeated. I tried not to loose my hope and patience. I started to wonder whether something was wrong with the carrots, with the way I prepared them, with the spoon, with the chair,... Should I maybe try another vegetable? Maybe he just doesn't like carrots... At least the carrot puree was never wasted as our oldest always cleaned out the cup as if his life depended on it.

Yesterday I was a bit reluctant to feed him carrots again. High chair, bib, spoon, soothing words. I scooped a tiny portion onto the spoon and tried to figure out how to get him to open his mouth. I made a funny face, which made him laugh and hop, in it went. Maybe it was the surprise effect that made the orange goop stay in. Maybe he had given up fighting. Or maybe he was just getting used to it or even started liking it. When I looked at him I realised that swallowing mashed food is totally different from the sucking he is used to with the bottle. I somehow saw in his eyes that he finally figured out how to use his tongue to eat instead of drink.

It was a small victory for the both of us that made me feel all proud and warm inside. My little baby is growing up. So fast...

This morning I found the solid result of the carrots in his diaper :-)

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Families are like fudge - mostly sweet with a few nuts

You don't choose your family, you are born into one.

No matter how hard they try and even by doing the best they can, your parents are very likely to f**k you up (see also the book 'They f*** you up' by Oliver James). Some of us realise this sooner, some later. And it isn't until we realise this, that we are able to distance ourselves from them as adults, to become our own standalone selves.

When we become a parent ourselves, we become a little bit wiser. We also start to understand a few things about our own parents. Because: being a parent is not easy. It is hard because the moment the offspring is born and you start to love them to pieces, you also have to start letting them go.

And I guess parents can never entirely let their children go. My dad is the best example of that. Even though I am married with two kids, he still likes to 'meddle' with our lives. Not in a bad way - he always means well - but it feels a bit invasive at times :-) He is very much a DIY kind of guy. He can make something out of nothing, repair everything and if you ask him for a certain tool or item you can be sure he has it in his workshop (he keeps and stores EVERYTHING). That's why we like him.

What we like less is when he comes to our house unannounced to take away our garden furniture in order to sand and paint it.

What we do not appreciate is when he goes into the garden and puts all the pieces of the to be mounted swing-set on top of each other in a corner so that the grass does not go yellow underneath. For the record: these items had all been spread out neatly by number and in the order they were supposed to be mounted and we had to spread them out all over again...

What we find annoying is when we notice after he left that he has moved things in the garage - just because he thinks it is better to put them there instead of here.

What bothers us is the fact that he just does these things without asking our permission. We would probably have said yes to the sanding and painting of the garden furniture. But him taking it, just ruined the whole idea.

What irritates us is that by doing things a certain way, HIS way, he indirectly tells us that OUR way is wrong.



I do not come from a family that talks much - I mean, we talk, but not about the really important things like problems, feelings etc. So telling my dad that these gestures were not appreciated and why, was a major step for me. I first called my mom to let off some steam. Then I let a few days pass. Finally, I confronted my dad.


What can I say...? It's like he shuts down to this kind of conversations. Yes, he heard me. Yes, he will ask in the future. But did he understand why? No. And will he stop doing the things he does? Probably not.

I know he is probably not going to change - not until he understands our point of view. And he is just a stubborn kind of guy that won't admit he can be wrong. It runs in the family :-)

But I am glad and a bit proud that at least I am now able to talk to him about these things.

Thanks to Sunday Scribblings for triggering this post about Family.

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There's something strange and powerful about black-and-white imagery - Stefan Kanfer

I have always been a fan of black and white photography. I love Edward Steichen's picture collection of The Family of Man.

Or Robert Doisneau's work.

So a recent article about Vanessa von Zitzewitz caught my eye. Her glossy website shows all these photographs taken of models for jewellery, perfume and fashion - boring. Yes, they are nice pictures, taken in a professional way but they do not tell a story, they don't convey a message, they don't pull a feeling from me.

However, this woman has also been spending two months a year for four years in the HUMAN DEVELOPMENT FOUNDATION's Mercy Center in Bangkok which is home to 200 street children, orphans and children living with HIV. The pictures she took document the difficult life of these children and are collected in a book called Slaughterhouse Angels.

These pictures are so different from her magazine shots. They tell a story. They make you feel something when looking at those children's faces. What amazed me was that these children are smiling or laughing in mostly all pictures despite their rough and difficult lives. It is just he beauty of childhood.

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It takes a village to raise a child - African proverb

ANGALEO is the first cinema for children that travels around the world.

The Heger family: mom, dad and 3 boys (aged 2, 4 and 5), will travel around the world starting in September this year. In a 14 ton truck. Their goal is to show cartoons to children all over the world. To make them dream for a while.

You can be part of their voyage. For 10 euros your picture will be taped to the side of their truck and travel with them for 3 years and 150.000 kilometers. And you can win a trip to South Africa at the same time.

Check out their website and travel with them.

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Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock - Pablo Picasso

Before I was a mom, I used to go to bed late. Or early but I'd read until late. I could sleep until noon without feeling I'd lost a day. I had to set my alarm clock to get out of bed in the morning. Although I do not fall into the category of an early riser, I do not have a problem to get out of bed when the thing buzzes. I do not understand the concept of the snooze button. I prefer to set the alarm at the correct time and then get up. At least those 10 minutes of snooze are spent in deep sleep and not dozing.

When I became a mom, the whole concept of time changed. There was no more ME time. Time was spent looking after a baby and making sure its every wish was catered for immediately. No alarm clock was used in the first months. I adapted to my son's rythm, waking and sleeping when he did.

Once I started working again, I needed to get organised. I used the alarm clock once more in order to get up before my son, prepare breakfast, pump some milk, take a shower, get dressed, dress my son and be ready to go.

After my second son was born, the same scenario was played out all over again in the first few months. And my oldest son was the perfect alarm clock shouting Mammmmmaaaaaa at 7 o'clock sharp!

I now find myself not having to set the alarm. Before going to bed I know I have to get up at a certain time and I will miraculously wake up around that time. I find it mysterious and interesting how the body clock changes and adapts.

When our boys were sleeping over at their grandparents', I was so much looking forward to sleeping in in the morning. Of course I woke up at 7 am sharp thinking I heard someone call me... But it was a pleasure to be able to turn around and go back to dreamland for an hour more.

Next week I have to start working again and I will have to use the alarm once again in order to get up before everyone else and become the busy bee preparing for the day to come.
They say regular exercise is good. As my boys are with my parents today, I better go out for a run.


Some related sites:
Here are 5 ways to syncrhonize your body's clock.
Women and sleep
Sleep Drive and Your Internal Body Clock by the National Sleep Foundation.

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To learn to read is to light a fire; every syllable that is spelled out is a spark - Victor Hugo

I am a fervent reader.

I love books.

I love to buy books. I love to own them.

I buy more books than I read.

Maybe this comes from a childhood frustration? We were not poor, but spending money on books was seldom done. We lived in a small village in the country and there was no library close enough to get to. But we had what I call a wonderful invention: a library bus full of books would stop in our village every two weeks and I made sure never to miss it. It made me discover books that I would never have read otherwise. For free.

I remember the joy I felt when hearing the honking music announcing the arrival of the bus. Entering it was like penetrating into a secret, wonderful world full of stories. For me, the magic of books dates back to that time and has only amplified today.

The library bus still exists and tours the little villages to bring books to the reading community with half of its books for children and young adults.

I went there today with our 2 year old. He knows what a bus is, but he couldn't seem to grasp why a bus should contain books instead of people. He was more interested in the other kids than in the books but once at home 'bookbus' had become a new word in his evergrowing vocabulary and I hope to have planted the magic bookseed in him too.

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Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs... since the payment is pure love. - Mildred B. Vermont

I just love this video - it is so true.

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If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? - Milton Berle

Before I was a Mom

I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I slept all night and nothing could wake me.

Before I was a Mom

I never tripped over toys. I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous, my cleaning products stored away properly or my medicine cabinet locked.

Before I was a Mom

I had never been puked on, pooped on, spit on (except for this once, by my friend Lucy's firstborn), chewed on, or peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.

Before I was a Mom

I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests…or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom

I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known The warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

Before I was a Mom

I didn't realize how much time I had. I didn't know how to cook fresh vegetables. I didn't know many lyrics to lullabies. I didn't know I was this strong and patient. I did'nt know how to run on autopilot.

Before I was a Mom

I thought I understood people with kids - I didn't. I used to feel slightly alienated with couples that had kids. I used to babysit occasionally and was happy to return the kids to their rightful owners.

Before I was a Mom

I used to go see a play, a movie. I used to say I'd still be doing this or that even if I had kids. I used to meet with my single friends.

Before I was a Mom

I did not understand my parents.

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While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about - Angela Schwindt

Francoise Dolto had a very singular vision of the child. She was a paediatrician and psychoanalyst. She thought that word, explanation and communication was very important in the construction of an individual.

I am currently reading a few books by her which regroup a series of questions and answers she gave during dedicated radio broadcasts. Parents would write letters with their educational questions about their children, and Dolto would answer them during the radio show. This took place in the 70ies but still now I find her explanations and advice valid and useful.

Her thoughts were quite revolutionary at a time when it was thought that infants cannot understand nor suffer from what happens in reality. But she also addressed mothers, distressed parents who want to read and understand the symptoms of their children.

Of course a baby cannot talk yet, but Dolto anticipates that he can listen, understand and be pacified by a true voice if targeted at the child directly. She says 'children have a language before they speak a language'.

Children always understand.

Indeed, she contends that they understand in the womb. They need to be spoken to, to have things explained to them. They need to be listened to; their views need to be respected.

Dolto insists that no matter how painful, children must receive an authentic response to any question.

Although I do not agree with everything she says, I do agree with the fact that one should explain things to children and that, contrary to what we think, they understand a lot at a real young age. Our oldest son, now 20 months, has changed his behaviour slightly after the arrival of his brother one month ago. Of course he presents the normal and healthy jealousy traits, but sometimes he tends to cry out instead of talk to me. One day I was trying to get him to eat his soup as he had told me he was hungry. Immediately after the first spoonful he wanted to get out of his chair and refused to eat. Once out of the chair he said 'eat' again. Once in his chair I decided that he was going to stay there. He started to cry out - now this is a crying without tears, just a kind of discontented shouting for something I could not understand. At the same time his little brother was crying in the next room. You can understand that this situation was slowly getting on my nerves. After trying to discipline the eldest to no avail, it hit me. He was trying to communicate the same way his baby brother was, by crying. Once I understood that I tried to talk to him saying that his baby brother cries because he cannot talk yet. That his only way to tell me what he wants is by crying. But that he, the older brother, can talk and can therefore TELL me what he needs or wants. He does not need to cry. He looked at me with a frown like he was thinking very hard. Then he smiled and said 'eat'. He did not cry out anymore and finished he soup in no time.

I had my proof that talking to my child, explaining things to him even though I might think he is too little to understand helps.

The other day the oldest was staying over at my parents for two days (including one night). When he got back home he did not fall asleep as usual that night and we had to get him out with some milk and talk until finally, later on he fell asleep. We figured that staying over at his grandparents probably wasn't such a good idea with the new baby around for he might think that he is being pushed aside. The next time he went to his grandparents, I explained to him hat I would come pick him up that afternoon and that he would sleep at home. That he was going to his grandparents because I needed some time to do grownup things and take care of the baby but that this did not mean that I did not love him or tried to get rid of him. When he left with my father he turned around and said 'Mama pick up' meaning that he had very well understood me and knew I was coming to get him. Since then he presents no more sleeping problems.

I guess the above two examples are in line with what Dolto preached. I probably would have reacted in such a way even without having read any of her advice. I am a talkative mother and wherever I am with my children I constantly babble away at them telling them what I or we are doing. I guess Dolto just pointed a finger at something I unconsciously knew but probably was afraid of doing thinking my kids were too young for adult explanations.

At the moment my oldest starts pointing at his penis, saying 'zizi' and 'papa' and 'mama'. So I guess I have to prepare myself on explaining to him that mama does not have a zizi... I will hurry and read up on the subject :-)

Sources:

A Christian Educator out of the ordinary

Stefan Beyst

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People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one - Leo J. Burke

Oh how I would like to write a thoughtprovoking, meaningful post on a political or psychological topic!

But on 19 December 2007 our second son joined our family and I have since been suffering from chronic sleep deprivation which does not allow for deep thoughts and elaboration of any topic other than sleep.

Believe me, if I were a dictator and had to torture someone, I would deprive him of sleep. It is worse than suffering hunger or thirst. Lack of sleep increases death, it has an influence on your metabolism, your brain activity, your blood pressure. And for me it obviously has an impact on the people around me. I am irritable and a little mishap such as a broken cup can be the end of the world.

Things weren't that bad when I had number one. I would sleep when he was sleeping. But number one now wants attention when number two is asleep. And number two still does not know the difference between day and night.

Luckily I have a very thoughtful, helpful and patient man who takes number one to the DIY store for a typical male exploration of the tools section. He cooks and does all the works that still need to be done with the extension of the house. And we have a cleaning lady.

Read this interesting article.

So bear with me while I catch up on my sleep and sanity and marvel at the little miracle in my arms.

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